Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
