I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
