i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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