i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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