There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
40s are totally the cure
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
