I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
