With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
