I showed him my bush... on skype.
home. puking in laundry basket.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize