Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
