the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
