Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
