I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
