My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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