People in love make me want to vomit
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
