when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
