she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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