I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
