Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
