So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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