now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
