how can u be prego again
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
