every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
