see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
