Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize