where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
