What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just gift wrapped bread.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
