they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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