Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
