just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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