i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
