Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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