How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize