He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize