Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
