He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
