brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
