my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
