I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
