Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
