Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
