well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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