never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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