if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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