Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
