We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
