Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just high enough for therapy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize