ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
