Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
