This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
