But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
