I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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