I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
