My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize