when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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