I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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