you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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