Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
