What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize