he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
