You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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