dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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