Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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