she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
