and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
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