Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
