he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
