I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
