Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
