I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
how does that bad decision feel?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
