I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
