dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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