ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
